I wrote a song called “Capital Letter.” It was about putting someone else first. However naive, innocent, or catchy the tune, in the end, my heart was broken and I lost myself in so much of my decision making. That was long ago. Now, even alongside my current and most fulfilling relationships, I’ve learned to date myself. Every creativity book, I’ve ever read speaks about the importance of putting “you” ,aka me, on my to-do list. I am in love with creativity because it calls me to love myself. It is also teaching me to love my surroundings and my world, to love my community. I think about balance, input and output. This applies to reading and writing, eating and exercising, ideas to concrete manifestation like songs, and recipes. I like to get it all out. All of these things are on my list when I think of ways to spend quality time with myself. I’m learning that I might have a little more time than others because I do not work in a traditional 9-5 occupation. It’s joyous 🙂
I can read a book, write a blog (like right now), eat a nutritious or not so nutritious meal, take myself on a hike when the temperature is finally letting me go outside in a long sleeved t-shirt, spend some time working on a new melody that has been stuck in my head, open my cupboards and have a little courage to try something different. I’m learning that little challenges, even my boring to-do list of tasky errands ’round the beltway, they are all important. Simply by doing them, I am showing myself that I “can.”
Some of the time, I need to make connections with others. My partner and I are learning the importance of time and what it means to be a part of a family and community. We make connections and value the time that we get to spend with ourselves, with each other, with our family, our colleagues, complete strangers. My friend calls these connections breadcrumbs. We are all walking this life and intersecting with the trails of others, sometimes alone and sometimes with others. I’m am picking up a trail or even creating my own by continuing to “do.”
Perhaps I am leaving my mark, simply by putting a letter in the mailbox. Motivation and productivity are often the umbrella terms for this concept of which I speak, but I like to think of my day as a display of input and output. Money comes in and out. Music comes in and out. Calories come in and out. Pain comes in and out. Happiness. Love. Wisdom. Lessons. Perhaps this is all lessons and application.
What is that thing that you want to get done? Start with yourself. I’m finding I have more time and space for others when I have taken time to do the things that are on my list and in my head. My partner and I are learning that our schedules are different and we are becoming more complimentary as we learn how to navigate life together. There are things that she needs and there are things that I need. Some of them are done in tandem and others, we choose to do independently. We are two people who can stand on our own, and don’t need each other. Love isn’t about wants and needs. We are even stronger when we stand together. My partner and I. My community. My world, however far that extends. Our world. I’m learning that we can be stronger individuals by knowing ourselves. Like my song “Capital Letter” , I think I understand all the ways that I can mean it when I say, “Always put you first.”
Capital Letter – QueenEarth feat. Emsea Water – Watch a video of my song!