Finding a Place Called Home

When I was in college, my parents moved from our childhood home in Pittsburgh and got a house in the suburbs. Empty nest, they left and downsized to be closer to work, to live a little slower, to start a new phase of their relationship. In 2014, I reflect on what it means to have a home. I asked for wings at the end of last year and here I am with photos of trips to San Diego, Los Angeles, Portland, and Seattle! I am sitting on a runway to London, Baltimore, and San Jose, all in the near future. Road trips West! We get what we ask for.

Somewhere on the road of this adventure, I want to build a house. I dream of making a replica, like my childhood home, but I’m going to remix the garage and the basement. Maybe I’ll be on MTV Cribs one day 😀 Is that show even on TV anymore? When I was a little girl, I used to draw blueprints and schematics for my dream home. Imagine me, at 6 years old, thinking I was going to build the perfect house, gazing out of my bedroom window, listening to Jagged Little Pill (check this out) and dreaming about a better place! Here I am in 2014, wishing I could go back and lay in my old bedroom and stare at my old ceiling and feel an inner peace. It seems like I just got my footing in San Jose. I finally know faces and names. I walk around my neighborhood and the storefront tables are littered with folks who know me, as Missy and as QueenEarth. They know I’m not going to be here for very long and we are all enjoying our last few interactions. It’s not necessarily goodbye, but nothing is promised. Not even the idea that I will be back here in 6 months. That would be amazing, but no matter what, I got to live my dream of living in California.  Who knows what life will bring?

I want a house not too far from a city, maybe somewhere in a quiet neighborhood, surrounded by trees. I want a nice wrap around porch and a view of thunderstorms and sunsets. I want to be able to wander aimlessly, on foot, to find a bench or a lake, a river or a grass hillside for picnics and blanket writing. I want a man/woman cave in the basement, a place where we can gather for parties and family functions or rehearsals and jam sessions. I want a recording studio in the attic. I want a big picture window and open spaces to do yoga or just to not feel bound, trapped, or restricted. I want a big yard with room for a firepit and a garden. As this dream becomes more concrete, I’m listening for others homesick stories and I love Mirnada Lambert’s song “The House That Built Me” http://youtu.be/DQYNM6SjD_o I’m finding it inspiring to hear a song about someone who saved pictures and never gave up on a dream of having a place to call her own. In the song, the woman builds a home with her partner. I look forward to more dwellings with my partner.

My “Home” was written when I was feeling a shift in my surroundings, knowing I would not get too many more sessions in the Baltimore basement. I wondered what my next creative space would look like, what would come out of it, how I would find the inner peace to do my art, no matter that chaos or the inconsistencies in the framework surrounding me. My partner works so hard and one day, I dream of building a house for us, a place where we can rest, fall in love over and over again with each sunset. More than a dream and a prayer, her love is showing me how to balance the harsh sting of realities and nightmares with the hard work and rewards of a life well lived and dreams fulfilled at “work” and at “Home,” I am so blessed to have a home, and to have a home with my partner.

We all need so much to build our world, imagination and realism, wings and good footing. For many years, I’ve had this dream of building a house. I put it on a back burner and focused on survival. This dream life seems impossible to some, even to me at times, but it will certainly never happen if I/we talk about our doubts instead of all of the possibilities. Look what we have done! This season, I am proud of the miles I have walked, the distance I have traveled, the roads we choose. It makes me smile and it is even more encouraging to hear the praises from our friends and family. Maybe we are doing something right. As I feel myself thriving, I feel like I am inching closer to the vision. I am in the planning stages. No new blueprints. It’s all in my head. I know it too well. The details have changed a little since childhood. Now, I see myself with a family. My partner and I dream of hosting young travelers and sharing our adventures, making our own calendars, and seeing the world. We also dream of having somewhere to rest between each adventure. A place that we can call “Home.”